you sure dont make it easy, do you?
you couldnt just.. be someone else, something else.
here i am on the 28th level of the centrepoint tower, presented with a priceless opportunity to learn and maybe even do my motherfucking future some good. for some ridiculously MORONIC reason, though, i find myself not being able to focus. just because youre there, dangled in front of me on a string by some sadistic dickhole of a god i dont believe in.
im so TIRED of wondering. i HATE wondering. what youre thinking, what youre doing, whether youre not there or just not talking to me. not having a phone or the internet for so long has probably been good for me, as much as ive hated the absence of such technology. just 2 days with both at hand and my mind has been stuck on overdrive, speeding in all the wrong directions.
dont think im talking about just one person, no my life will never be that simple. its EVERYTHING. EVERYONE. how you all had to go and FUCK things up for yourselves AND FOR ME. what is it exactly that you all expect from me? im a little dim so dumb it right down, if you've been sending me signals - i havent been getting them. im confused. why cant any of you just give me what i want?
especially you.
it might be the coffees making my moods swing so violently but for fucks sake, how can the way i feel for an entire day depend so solely on you? you dont have to care or even notice but with a minimal amount of your effort, my focus is shattered and my self-esteem shaken.
how hard is it to believe that for once in my gorey, unsalvageable trainwreck of a life, i might want something to work out in my favour? just one thing, anything. i dont want to have to give a shit anymore, ive had enough. i want to be selfish and careless, i want to hate and complain without consequence.
i know very well that heaps of people have it worse than me, but a lot fucking dont. oh, the beggars in asia dont have food and the kids in africa have aids but as much as id like to give a damn, i dont. it doesnt directly affect me in anyway and ill probably never even meet an 8 year old with HIV. when you think about it - their entire world is like that, and they know nothing else. i spend every waking hour of every fucking day seeing or hearing about how everyone else's life is just dandy. that, or theyre whining without the fucking right to.
i dont want to be rational! i dont want to calm down, i dont want to be optimistic, i dont want to not worry about things and no i dont want to talk about it.
its like every emotion its possible for me to have has been put in a blender on pulse for 6 hours. mixed feeling smoothie, coming right up.
in the end i dont need for this to be interesting, entertaining or thought-provoking, or for it to even make sense, because this isnt a return to blogging. its an outlet, its a waste of time, its hilarious, its practice, its just another dumb teen who will never know or experience everything, no matter how strongly she wants to believe it, not even close.

in like sin. ©
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LOOK MUM, IM POSTING STUFF ABOUT MYSELF ON THE INTERNET!

well heyyy there. im julie, but you can call me tonight ;D

fifteen years young
20th of april
year 11 @ hurlstone ag
julie.explicit@hotmail.com
cabramatta, sydney, australia
i yicknamee velly mutt!
single - hate mingling :)
my music, my friends and my music are everything ♥
impatient, childish and a little bit clumsy.

okay, its pretty damn simple. i'm not living to please anyone, especially the people who hate me. all things considered, i will never forget the people i love because i wear the smile they gave me. i wont forget, but i dont want to be forgotten either so i try to be nice to everyone. after all, people will forget what you say and they'll forget what you did, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. its such a cliche, and i hate cliches, but i'm always going to do what makes me happy, be with whoever makes me smile, laugh as much as i breathe and love as long as i live.

i attract all sorts of mischief and get into trouble a lot, but when i want to i can get stuff done. im a hard nut to crack but if you gain my trust, i might just let you in. im very extreme, i have my ups and my downs but because my friends are always always there for me, i stay pretty optimistic.
why? because the grass is always greener after a storm.


(Y)
music. friends. green & orange. giraffes. turtles. BASH & FMYLIFE. photography. my blankie. phoning all night. $$$$$. smiles. ED HARDY. pokemooonn. choc horns. maxibons. html. holidays. clothes. msn. photoshop. laughing. making people laugh. my WoW freak sarah farrell. edward cullen. singing. mi goreng. nintendo ds. suuuperskinny boys! neon lights. flats. guitars. guys who play them. racing with crutches. the city at night. dancing around at home by myself. mixtapes. beating the guys at CS. curious george. nerds + nerd glasses. babies. cabbage. lockets. GOATSE. bumming @ cabra afterschool. dimples. hugs. gloria jeans. guys jayjays tops. talking to my girls. pho tai dac biet. zooperdoopers. karaoke. sushi. stars and sunsets. popcorn fights in cinemas. snakebites. guys with cool tattoos. freckles. sleeping in. making shapes out of clouds. cupcakes. surprises. chace crawford. mocking people. tourettes guy. mashed potatoes. thinking of someone/something sweet and smiling myself to sleep.

(N)
rules. backstabbers. hwk/assignments/exams. ppLz Hu t0rKz LyK d1z. being broke. losing things. dropping things. spilling things. hitting things. breaking things. falling over. all insects. needles. silence. trance music. heights. commercials. swimming. asthma. dentists. speeches. hairspray. teachers. crying. garden gnomes. old ladies who wear red lipstick. chinese movies + dramas. boredom. scars. bad hair days. textbooks. elevators. boys that are too muscly. overcrowded trains. andrew do. family outings. unnessecary physical exartion. when theres nothing to eat. being in photos. storms. talking on the phone during storms. being capped. pigeonboy. catcher in the rye. people who flush toilets without putting the lid down first. the excessive use of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(L)
amanda, mariam and natalie. courtney, blosia, tien and justine. john and steven. sophie, jenny, danny. paul, josh, brandon, derrick, kevin. ella, ying, joanna, yena and thy.